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| I'm so excited... THERE IS A NEW FOOD PYRAMID!!!!!!
http://www.mypyramid.gov/ | | |
| The work is finally going down in volume but I still have plenty to do. Nonetheless, I now feel comfortable enough to occasionally procrastinate. On another note, apparently my mind is half female.
Your Brain is 46.67% Female, 53.33% Male |
Your brain is a healthy mix of male and female
You are both sensitive and savvy
Rational and reasonable, you tend to keep level headed
But you also tend to wear your heart on your sleeve |
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| so damm busy. sorry about the lack of posts. this will be short. give all gosip in short sentances.
decided to go to berkeley for G School.
got the stomach flu while visiting U. of Illinois last weekend.
-need to post about that dam brat bitching to the policeman about why he shouldn't report him for swinging at the officer. (in the hospital waking me up after finally falling asleep after non-stop puking).
this week I needed to do a lot of work, lots more work for next week. atleast i defended my honors thesis sucessfully, just need to do some final suggested edits on it.
begining this summer i'll be in the hospital with the doc's trying to fix my heart arrithmya. | | |
| Migranes suck enough killing an entire day of my life, so why do they feel obliged to be on the verge on returning with the smallest provication for the next few days afterwards. If I ignore the warnings of the pressure in my head and behind my eyes I will get another one.
In other news I'm a "backrubber"
http://www.okcupid.com/personality?type=DGSD&g=1&o=1 | | |
| Last entry for today. I promise. I'm just busy running programs
via telnet on a rather overabused server so I've been doing alot of
waiting and looking at xanga sites. Now yes I know they're for
ranthing and yes I know I just did so myself yesterday, but wow, just
wow. Its one thing to be upset and rant from time to time, but
WOW. A lot of people seem to enjoy being angry and indulging
their hatred, fear, love well pretty much every emotion, but calm
contenplation, where it's only going to cause pain for
themselves. Now below, that piece on mother, did not put her in a
good light, but at home for the most part I did just acknowledge who
she is and try to make the best of it. I was rather relaxed and
had some fun at home despite the sound of it and despite how she acts,
because I realize in life "mother" in some form will always be there
making my life less than perfect and there is no point in making myself
miserable over something doing 'wrong' to me or not being to my
liking. Could I feel comfortable at home without considerable
effort given a mother who dealt with her issues, hell yes, but that
isn't what I have and I wouldn't be the me writting here if it didn't
happen, I'd be someone else.. The life that you have is in a
sense is perfect as it is, as it can't be anything else but
itself.
Going back to my mommy dearest entry, I was probably in a worse mood
writing it than at home mainly because for the most part I just
acknowge who she is respond appropriately and let go, where the rant
started to do the opposite at some point. Of course I didn't let go of
it entirely, otherwise my entry would have had more pity expressed for
her or would not be there at all. For me its rather hard to do so
when putting up with, well a possesive person with a bit of anxiety
disorder, appears to be the 'best' choice you have. Could I have done better? Of course, but
desiring to be perfect to the point of obsession and
narrowmindedness is, well, making your life misserable, the way
mother does for herself. By trying to be generous and perfect to
those around you to the point of narcisism coming full circle to being
self-centered and narcisistic in the first place. (I find the
latter the simpler alternative for being miserable.) You just
need to learn from you're mistakes and move on. This all comes to
the ranting not being entirely bad. Desiring to be perfect often
leads to the desire to not be wrong. Ranting atleast lets you
acknowledge what you're feel, rather than hidding the feelings which
are there anyways from yourself. Furthermore, confirmation from
other helps you realize that you aren't entirely crazy, as I know well
from mommy dearest, some things seem to try to warp the truth of events
to obsurdity. For example with me, after mother worries over and
instructs me in lawn mowing (something she has no idea of how to do) on
and off for multiple 15 minute sessions everyday for a week, its hard
for me to have my barrings and the idea that the lawn mower will
spontaneously flip over and suck me into the blades starts to sound
rather reasonable. But ranting is probably not entirely the best
way for coping as though you're admitting to the feelings, you're also
probably blaming things outside of you (which may be legetimate) to the
exclusion of yourself, and hold on to the 'wrong' and the resulting
anger and likely forget to even try to deal with the situation, and
thus encourage the feelings instead of handling them. You
ruin benifit of being able to cope with your emotions that a little bit
of ranting could provide. As for allowing you to regain your
bearrings, ranting can do the opposite. Given enough distress
with a person in a rant, the listener can either agree or be sent for a
swin in a pair of concrete shoes. Thus, if you're unwilling to
hear disaggreement after your rant, you'll probably help only enforce
some warped view.
I suppose, a rant isn't the way to do things, but instead you should
rant. Things never work 'perfectly', as in the most desireable
way, because there is always something better. Given adequate
imperfection in life, which isn't too hard to find, you'll find
yourself less than happy or confused, and a bit of ranting can bring
the irritation out to be delt with and help you find some sure
footing. 'Ideally' I could see life being perfect as it is and
simply react to it the best way I can see and accept the results.
But, I'm far away from that. I can see that my mother only wants
things to be well and tries rather hard, and I still hate how her
attempts don't correspond.
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